Ridiculously Badass in Shanghai » Uncategorized

Chinese People and Their Fruit Stand, and Old Chinese People

admin — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 09:10:59 +0000

Is it hard to pick fruit at a fruit stand? Do you need some sort of certificate or degree? I didn’t think so and i’ve been picking fruit for years. However, in Shanghai every time I go to buy fruit, the people working there always want to help pick fruit for me.

Here’s a dialog from the other days:

Fruit stand person: (FSP)What kind of fruit do you want to buy?
ME: I want to buy some bananas.
FSP: How bout these ones? (he hands me some bananas with holes in them)
ME: These have holes in them.
FSP: How about these ones?
ME: Those ones have bruises on them. I’m going to choose the fruit myself, thanks.

After I manage choosing bananas with no bruises or holes in them, which seemed to be quite a tough task for the Fruit Stand Person, I go to pick some oranges.

FSP: You want some oranges, eh?
ME: Yup.
FSP: Here, how bout these ones?
ME: I’ll pick them myself, thanks. (as much as I’d really like to take your oranges with bruises and holes in them).

Then I moved on to the next fruit and the same amazing dialog repeats again. I think I’d be more satisfied with the “service” if monkeys worked at this fruit stand. At least it would be entertaining and maybe play with them, and wouldn’t be so annoying. And the monkeys wouldn’t force their crappy fruit on me (but they might throw it at me, or poo on it).

Then comes time to pay. I have all my fruit ready and there’s a man in front of me with a watermelon on the scale. Then the cashier asks, “do you want some watermelon too?” “No (bu2yao4),” I replied. Then the old me says “bu2yao1, buyao1″, (notice the tonese are wrong), then says “foreingers like to say it like this.” Uh, maybe who’ve been to Shanghai for about 1 day. Bu2yao4 is about the first thing us foreigners learn because people on the street want to sell us everything.

I know I had correct tones and I do with most things I say, and I wonder why only old people in Shanghai like to say to us that we have the wrong tones , but we actually said the right tones. I finally found out why, my gf said it’s because old Chinese people enjoy watching old shows on tv where they have a foreigner speaking really bad Chinese, with really bad tones. I guess those shows are kind of popular now with old Chinese people.

Anyways, after they try to make fun of my tones, I like to say, with correct tones, 我是这样发音的吗？(meaning: did i pronounce it like that?) They usually say “no.” Then I say, “well, did you say it like that? It sounds really weird. Did you go to school at all?” After I say this, they usually don’t say much back. Or, rarely, they start talking to me like a real person.

Seriously, though, if a Chinese person in Canada was talking to me with bad English, do I make fun of him right to his face? Uh, no, that’s pretty weird. And rude. And a big waste of time.

Chinese People and Bicycles in Shanghai

admin — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 08:46:35 +0000

Ever seen a Chinese person mount a bicycle? It’s about the most awkward, unco-ordinated sorry sight you’ll ever see. They usually get on the bike on the side of the road, then as they mount it, they’ll manage to uncontrollably swing into the oncoming traffic lane. And then they wonder why people like me smash into them. Why is it that 90% of the Chinese people in Shanghai are so uncoordinated, never looked both ways, and have really poor motor skills and depth perception? Why do they think that swerving into oncoming traffic is a wise decision? Humans are supposed to be aware of their surroundings, be aware of things that might indeed kill them, such as an oncoming car. The dogs on the street seem to have better judgement than these people. After all, I don’t hit too many dogs on my bicycle. Why do I hit so many Chinese on my bike? And, after I do hit them, why are they so surprised? I wouldn’t be suprised at all if I was riding in the oncoming lane, not watching where I was going, and they got hit.

Another thing: why do Chinese people never look both ways before crossing the street? Again, do they simply not care about being hit by something? What if a car hit and killed them instantly? I think they should care about that. It almost seems like they do want to remove themselves from the gene pool. That would mean few less idiots on the earth, would that be so bad? So if I hit them and it’s their fault, but they still get angry and want to fight, should I help them lose this fight thereby helping them achieve their goal of removing themself from the genepool? Are these peasant Chinese people smarter than dogs in terms of not getting hit?

Chinese Landlords Part 2 – Evil Ones

admin — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 10:10:53 +0000

This experience with my current landlord was actually pretty painless. I have a couple horrors stories about

really, really evil landlords I’ve had in the past – like the one who wrote our contract on the back of a

napkin and tried to make me pay a bunch of different fees (like a new gas meter, new pipe, etc) and

also tried to make me pay a few months extra rent. He and his buddy came over to my place uninvited

and demanded that I hand over my passport and said that I could get it back when I paid all these

“fees”. Thinking on my feet, I said my passport was at the visa office (getting a visa processed) and I

can’t give it to him at the moment. That night, I found a new apartment on the internet, called a

moving truck, called my friends, and did a one-swoop overnight move, thereby ducking out on these

“fees”. The landlord called my cell phone everyday for a long time, but I was long-gone.

My new place felt so good!

Conclusion:

The nice ones are usually rich and/or are the landlord’s friends and are just collecting the rent money for the landlord. The rich landlords don’t care as much about replacing fridges and such. Poor landlords may never get you a new fridge. I know it’s hard to pick and choose landlords, but try to go for a rich one!